Microaggressions

You know what I dislike about foodies? Their penchant for creating these really complicated recipes and then not explaining why there are all these random ingredient substitutions. I’m just like: give me a recipe that works and is as easy as making a normal batch of pancakes, please. But nooooooooooooo, instead of something simple like “substitute this strange ingredient for the flour, and then add this much of regular ingredients x, y, z” they’re all “Here’s a completely new recipe using three strange things you don’t actually have in your pantry! Haha, you thought you only needed one new thing? ROFLMAO nooooooooooob” and they won’t tell you why so you have no idea whether or not you’d be able to approximate the recipe with something that you do have in your pantry.

I am serious. There is one person who starts out describing her recipe as “vegan, gluten/grain/sugar free, paleo, low fat” and it gets worse from there. This is a foodie version of intersectionality, isn’t it? Have fun with that, girl. But I’m not going to be trying that recipe, because the description makes it sound like it’s made out of magical fairy asteroid dust and unicorn milk, stirred widdershins at half-past midnight every third Tuesday of every sixth leap-year while chanting paeans to the moon goddess. And also I am allergic to buzzwords.

I’m just looking for a simple recipe. But apparently that’s too much to ask for. Sigh. Even this one is calling for something I don’t keep in the fridge. And room-temperature eggs? Sheesh. I’m going to just go buy a mix that says “add water: stir,” I think. Impulse comfort food is not supposed to take forward planning in order to execute. I don’t need a mix for regular pancakes! Where’s the guidebooks for people who are only level 10 cooks, not level 90?

Whining over now. Carry on – eventually I will be practiced enough that these things won’t bother me…

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About pancakeloach

pancakeloach.wordpress.com :)
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