I’m glad I’m not her

The Worstest Person in the World, Vox Day, has got a post up on Alpha Game about that chick who posted a spreadsheet her husband sent her of all the really lame excuses she used to get out of having to have sex with him.

If he’s not Christian, that guy should probably find a good divorce lawyer. He needs to get rid of that ice princess and find a proper wife. If he is, sucks to be him. My sympathies.

I’m also very glad that I am resolved to be a Marriage 1.0 wife, and I’ve told my husband that he has my eternal and standing permission to, ahem, convince me that having sex Right Now is a good idea if I don’t pounce him immediately when he offers. We’ve had some communication issues in our years of marriage – which, if Ice Princess hadn’t obviously had a pattern of willful rejection, could have given her some cover. Sometimes he thought he was puttin’ the moves on me, and I was all clueless like “wha? I’m typing on the internet/reading a book/obsessing over something else and thus oblivious” and he got all disappointed. I felt bad when I found about it later but was seriously oblivious at the time – not deliberately rejecting him! So I make sure to mention to him every now and then that if he wants my undivided attention without having to literally sweep me off my feet and cuff me to the bed (which is allowed too, rowr), he should take all his clothes off and repeat the invitation naked, because sometimes that’s what it takes for ME to catch HIS attention when he’s concentrating! (We’re both nerds, what can I say. One-track minds are not always set to “sex!” at our age, either.)

Of course, this works with us, because I can’t resist my husband’s body and I’ve been known to jump him past bedtime and lights-out if I can’t sleep and he’s just lying there being all sexy and naked, provoking me, you know. Pretty sure feminists think that’s rape or something. Ice Princess probably isn’t even sexually attracted to this poor guy or otherwise with the properly telegraphed invitation, “I’m tired” or “I don’t feel 100%” promptly take a hike in favor of other moods, shall we say. Well, in most cases. One can legitimately be too tired for a good romp, but not with a previous pattern like that one. As a wife it’s my responsibility to not let myself get “too tired” if I can possibly avoid it, anyway!

And, I mean, “I feel too gross”?!?! OMGWTFBBQ, what else is sex with your husband FOR if it’s not to make you feel sexy and gorgeous and desirable when your inner critic starts telling you you’re an undesirable fat cow and you eat too much? That is EXACTLY the time to say “yes” if there ever was one! “Too drunk”?? Women have been known to deliberately get drunk in order to have sex, you can’t use that as an excuse to turn down your husband.

Besides, if you read Insty every now and then, you learn about all kinds of good stuff that sex does for you. It’s science! Don’t be a denier!


About pancakeloach

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