Found On Facebook

My husband is not my soul mate.

Any girl who dreams of The One – and reads a lot of fantasy or fictional romance – needs to realize this. There is never The One. You are probably compatible with a lot of different people out there. (Every time the “soul mate” trope comes up in fiction nowadays, I laugh at it. Despite the fact that my husband actually does meet every single “checklist” point that I had, all five of the “things I’d kinda really like to have in a husband.” But our initial meeting did not fit the “love at first sight” stereotype.)

Sexual attraction is chemical; hormonal. You’re not really in control of it. You can certainly willfully influence your own desires, but choosing a life-mate is something you need to do based on reason, not the head-over-heels feelings of infatuation, which are absolutely guaranteed to fade. You shouldn’t marry if you’re not sexually attracted to your prospective spouse, but emotions can’t be all that there is to your relationship.

My father always said, “It’s not about finding the right person, it’s about being the right person.”

And as with “mere” friendships – it’s fairly obvious that growing together or growing apart is something that you choose to do, not something that “just happens.” If a fire in a hearth goes out, does anyone say “Oh well, these things mysteriously happen”? No, everyone knows that it goes out because somebody forgot to feed it.


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