A post tangentally related to the Truth in Pop Culture “series” – the Robin Thicke song “Blurred Lines” has been coming on the radio fairly often, and as is my wont, I looked it up on YouTube. (It turns out that the radio version is edited. I prefer the edited version. If you go looking it up yourself: you were warned.) I don’t make a habit of reading YouTube comments, because “scum of the internet” is pretty much what you’ll find there, but sometimes I do read a few, while scrolling down the page, and one commenter felt that the song was kind of “rapey.”
Now, for those of you who haven’t heard the song/haven’t bothered to listen to the lyrics, basically, the song’s “story” (so to speak, as I understand it; I might be completely off if there’s slang involved in the term “good girl,” and I very much suspect that there is.) is that there is a “good girl” behaving in a sexually suggestive way – i.e., her behavior is signalling willingness to have (wild kinky) sex, but there’s some mixed messaging going on there. I suspect the person who thinks the song is kinda “rapey” subscribes to a similar interpretation of the song.
So, the truth that I’d like to point out to women is – you can’t dress and behave in a way that clearly communicates sexual availability and then get huffy and scream “harassment!” when males take you up on your nonverbal communication of “I’m an easy slut! Fuck me!” and expect anybody with two brain cells to rub together to respect you. If you do engage in that kind of nonsensical behavior, you’re essentially telling the world that you need a keeper, like a child’s parents dictating to a preteen what kind of clothing she’s permitted to leave the house while wearing.
No individual is permitted to redefine dictionary definitions for words simply to suit their whims. Neither is any particular woman permitted to arbitrarily redefine “dressed like a street whore” to mean “a lady who does not welcome sexual overtures” simply to suit her own childish desire to do whatever she pleases with no consequences. Clothing is communication – don’t lie about yourself with it, and then expect people to know that you’re lying your ass off and you’d really rather not have to fend off lewd suggestions every five minutes. Behavior is communication too – don’t lead a man on by shoving your boobs and your butt in his face (and other places) on the dance floor and then claiming “raaaaaaaaaape” when you get voluntarily get drunk and wake up the next morning in his bed.
I shall appropriate a quote by the excellent author Dave Freer: “You should be free not to be raped, harrassed, or shot at anywhere. But if you go blundering through the bushes in a fur coat in hunting season, your chances are a lot better of some idiot shooting you than out of season, or in a high-viz jacket, or not in the bushes. That’s reality, not the unreachable ideal.”
That’s not to say that if you do some stupid shit stunt that your feelings of being sexually violated should be ignored if someone takes advantage of you. But the truth is, if you voluntarily put yourself in a bad situation, you need to accept responsibility for being stupid. Not for whatever bad shit somebody else did to you – for YOUR OWN stupidity in putting yourself in an obviously risky situation in the first place. That’s why I hate the way feminists think that women should be able to do whatever they want without consequences – because that’s a unicorns-farting-rainbows ideal, not reality on the ground. And in reality on the ground, there would be a lot less heartbreak if young women were taught to protect themselves and not do stupid shit like shoving their boobs into a guy’s face and expecting him to magically react only in a way that the girl wants. That’s why it’s important to say YOU ARE A DUMBASS IF YOU DO THIS before the bad shit happens, because then it won’t happen, because the one with control, i.e. the girl, will have made sure that the situation never arises in the first place.
But, of course, that would require women to control themselves – and feminists are categorically against women having to control themselves. They’d rather control men instead. (Good luck with that.)